
These are days of big changes and anticipations. Hopes and novelties keep me excited during the day and awaken at night. It is a calm yet busy moment, in which most is done sitting in a room, answering emails and organizing information, writing down figures and numbers. Sometimes, the fear for the unknown overwhelms me, but I try to keep it down with positive and rational thinking, with self-motivation and an adventurous spirit. J helps a lot in this, as he teaches me to face things as they come, and to not create worst-case scenarios all the time only to scare myself more. I try to tackle issues when they appear, but it is not easy for me as I am a planner and need some certenties. Here, now, I have none, and I have no choice but to go with it, I just have to keep doing what I do regardless, because "what if it really happens? I have to be prepared". Positive thinking. I am learning this lesson.


There are moments in which sitting at the computer becomes unbearable. I go for a run in the chilly night air to distract me some, and look at the moon as it shines bright and crisp in the starry sky. I like to do so, I like to be alone with her sometimes. I feel a little bit of a stranger in this place where I grew up, and I don't care for meeting or seeing anyone. Besides my family, nothing links me to here, not even the affection for the land. However, the calming effect I receive from this lonely night walks is unbelievable to me, too. I come back refreshed and relaxed.
One night, I came back with a strong desire for baked apples. I needed some comfort, and I wished to find it in a warm, spiced dessert to eat with a good book and far from the computer screen. It is a good think that there is never apple shortage in this house. So I picked four, one for each of us, and turned on the oven. Cracked nuts and soaked raising, spooned cinnamon and brown sugar. Then, I laid on the sofa just thinking, smelling the scent of cooked sugar, waiting for them to be ready.
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